As a 30-year-old woman who had recently ended an eight-year relationship and an engagement that was called off, dipping my toes into the dating scene felt intimidating but also exciting. I was eager to try something new since, for one thing, “being on the apps” wasn’t a thing before I was off the market. And I’d always felt cheated out of the romantic experiences that my single friends had told me about. That should have served as my first indication that my relationship with my ex was dysfunctional, but hey, I definitely learned more as time went on. It goes without saying that my past relationship with my ex influences how I’m (still!) trying to define my ideal partner and how to find them.
Everyone has a different experience when it comes to dating—or, really, life. I’m a cisgender, white, straight woman looking for monogamy. I can relate my experiences, which have shaped my general perspective on dating in my 30s, even if I can’t speak for everyone. Yet, I believe that most people can identify with one or two of the five beliefs I’ve adopted.
Full transparency and a small spoiler alert At this point in my life, I’m not sure if I’m still looking for The One because I don’t believe I’ve found him or her. Yet of how embarrassing it sounds, I’m looking for love. In a manner, the beliefs I’ve accepted here serve as a warning for me. They permit me to dive into dating while simultaneously protecting my heart as best as I can. They help me remember that it’s OK to be a romantic person, but it’s not OK to sacrifice boundaries. I am no expert, and I have by no means “figured it all out,” so you don’t have to be receptive to all of my advice.
However, I’ve developed enough self-love to put myself out there. I know that if a date doesn’t lead to another date, which then leads to another date, then maybe to a relationship, or even marriage (it’s been ingrained in our minds that this timeline is normal — but it isn’t for everyone), then that’s OK. After all, rain checks happen, one-night stands happen, and ghosting happens. But once you start to make yourself your own top priority, your self-confidence and self-worth will be obvious to everyone around you. If there’s one thing I’m beginning to embrace more than any other on this list, it’s that establishing complacency within yourself is essential for opening up to somebody else.
Ahead, find the five things I like to remind myself before going on a date.
